A Friendly Little Game
by Bebedora
Summary: Boy's night at the Presidential Palace gets completely out of hand... Rated T for lauguage, drinking, innuendo and a little bit of nudity... *hides* Squall, Laguna, Kiros and Ward oneshot. Set postgame.


A Friendly Little Game

Throwing ten Gil in the middle of the table, Laguna Loire pouted as he saw his money leave his hand. "I don't understand why we have to play with actual money, guys. Why can't we play with chocolate coins like last time?"

"…"

"Ward says because you ate half the pot before the night was over." Kiros added his own currency to the growing pile and watched as Squall did the same.

Satisfied that the amount in the ante was sufficient, the young SeeD Commander, acting from the dealer's position, stated the table rules. "Nines are wild, gentlemen, and let me remind everyone that there is no whining at the table." His eyes were focused on Laguna.

"Hey, I don't whine!"

Kiros cleared his throat and motioned to the pot. "You know the penalty for whining, Laguna. Chuck it in."

Defeated and unwilling to lose any more of his Gil before the game had even started, the president tossed another five coins onto the table without uttering another word.

Squall dealt the cards in silence and motioned to Kiros to make the first move. He studied his cards carefully before tossing two cards down on to the table. "Two, sir."

The table was now Ward's and, with the most serious of looks, he threw ten Gil into the middle of the table.

"Whoa, you must have a good hand, buddy." Laguna immediately folded his own cards. "I'm not touchin' that one."

Squall rolled his eyes and inspected his own cards and decided he only needed one replacement.

The hand made its way around the table once again, with all three remaining men adding more currency to the growing stake. Laguna watched intently, trying to glean any sort of information from his stone-faced opponents. _They all have to have some sort of tell…I just have to find it!_

"I raise fifteen." Squall sat stoically, absolutely no expression on his face.

He had an impressive poker face, and Kiros decided he was not going to add any more money to the wager. "I fold. You've already got too much of my money in there."

The game now belonged to Ward and Squall, and neither one took defeat easily. Ward eyed his cards again, peering over them ever so often at his brooding challenger. After a moment of thought, the giant man pitched a twenty-Gil note into the pile. Squall's expression never wavered as he matched the wager and added ten more coins.

"Man, this is getting' thick!" Laguna drained his beer bottle and rested his elbows on the table. "I'm _sooo_ glad I dropped outta this one early!"

Steel blue eyes met even icier ones as the two men duked it out over unknown cards. Ward placed his cards face up revealing two pair, fives and threes.

"…"

Kiros translated for his silent friend. "Ward says, let's see 'em, Squall."

The young man laid his five-card hand down to reveal a straight flush. Never making even the slightest twitch of facial muscles, he silently crossed his hands over each other on the table and waited for a reaction.

"…"

"Ward says you suck."

This elicited a small smirk from Squall as he swept the pile of coins and paper money towards himself. Handing the cards to Kiros to deal, he finally spoke.

"You could learn a thing or two from me, Laguna. You need to chill out when you play."

The next hand was dealt and the betting commenced once again. Squall, in rare fashion, ducked out straight away. This left the three old friends battling for supremacy. It wasn't very fair, however, because a certain Estharian President had a very giving tell.

As soon as Laguna laid eyes on his hand, he immediately squeaked in joy, and then covered his mouth to try and disguise his elation. This didn't fall on blind eyes, however, and the two remaining friends both tossed their cards into the middle of the table without so much as looking at them.

"Hey! You guys didn't even give this hand a chance!"

Kiros dipped his hand into the bowl of pretzels between himself and Ward and threw them at Laguna. "You didn't hear a thing Squall said to you, did you? You need to learn some self-control."

Laguna collected his meager reward and piled it up next to his own money. "I just get so excited, guys! It's hard to keep my cool."

"And that's why we usually end up with most of your money, Dad."

XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX

Hours passed, and Laguna was becoming disenchanted. With all of his remaining money now safely in the hands of his son, and about twelve beers downed between the four men, the President felt boredom-mixed with defeat-creep up on him.

"Let's do somethin' else, guys. I'm bored."

"…"

"Ward says you're bored because Squall will be spending the majority of your money tomorrow." Kiros tossed his cards into the center of the table.

Squall sat silently, counting the coins and bills just removed from the pot. "Thanks, Laguna. This will come in handy when I get Lionheart tuned up next week."

"Glad I could help," Laguna said with a sarcastic tone. He pouted as he watched a fraction of his salary disappear into Squall's pocket.

Kiros glanced at his watch and stretched his lanky arms over his head. "I guess we can call it an early night."

Laguna, not ready to let the festivities end, jumped up and pleaded, "You're not leaving yet, are you? It's only ten o'clock!"

Kiros cracked his neck from side-to-side, working out kinks that had taken up residence there during the game. "Well, you wanted to end the game because you're a sore loser," he emphasized. "What do you have in mind?"

Laguna chewed on his thumbnail for a long moment of thought, as his companions became restless.

"This is stupid," Squall finally spoke up, frustrated with Laguna's indecisiveness. "I'm going to bed."

"N-no, wait! How's about we play Truth or Dare?"

Squall arched an eyebrow at this father. "What are you, twelve?"

Kiros chuckled and shook his head. "Laguna, man, you can't be serious. That's a teenage game, and last time I checked, you ceased to be a teenager a long time ago."

"C'mon! It'll be fun, just like old times!"

"…"

Kiros nodded along with his hulking counterpart. "Ward's right. Last time we played this game- and let me remind you that it was over twenty-five years ago-we ended up bailing you out of jail in Timber."

Laguna blushed at the memory, but stood firm in his request. "That was a long time ago, Kiros. We're more mature now."

Squall snorted. "You call wanting to play truth-or-dare 'mature?' You're the president of Esthar for crying out loud." He began to rise from his seat. "You clowns can do whatever you want, but I'm leaving."

Laguna grabbed Squall's arm, pleading. "Don't leave yet! I promise this will be a blast! C'mon guys, please?"

"…"

Kiros patted Ward on the back. "Yeah, if it happens again, Squall can bail him out."

The young SeeD rolled his eyes. "I don't even want to know."

Laguna grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, you really don't." His eyes then lit up with a mixture of elation and mischief. "Does this mean you guys will play?"

Kiros threw his hands up in the air. "What the hell."

"…"

"Ward's in too, but he says he's not drinking milk straight from a goat again."

Squall pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, trying to block the image from his mind of Ward and the goat. "I know I'm going to regret this, but I'll stick around." The beer buzz was starting to affect him.

"Great!" Laguna slapped the felt top of the poker table. "I even volunteer to go first. Let me have it, Kiros!"

With his own mischievous grin, Kiros began the time-honored truth-or-dare tradition. "Alright, Mr. President. Truth or dare?"

Laguna leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, deep in thought. After a moment, he finally responded in an almost taunting manner, "Truth."

"Ok, Loire. I'll start easy. Who really put the hand grenade in my footlocker after the Timber siege, you or Ward?"

Laguna immediately began to rethink his choice of "truth." Neither of the two men was ever willing to cop to the prank, which resulted in the contents of Kiros' locker being blasted out of the front flap of their shared tent.

"Aww, man Kiros. Why'd you have to bring that up?"

Kiros impatiently drummed his fingers on the tabletop. "I'm waiting, Laguna. And let me remind you that the penalty for declining is the same as it was before."

Laguna slumped forward in his chair and hung his head. "Well, I'm certainly not drinking toilet water ever again, so…"

Squall interrupted Laguna by raising his hand. "Wait a minute, drinking toilet water? I'm not agreeing to drink water from the toilet."

"Then don't wuss out," Kiros stated bluntly.

Squall sat back in his chair once again. "You guys are insane."

"Quit stalling, Laguna. Confess or betray, the choice is yours."

Laguna peered up at Ward, apologizing with his eyes. "Sorry, buddy," he sighed. "It…it was Ward."

Ward immediately scowled at Laguna, for breaking twenty-five years of silence.

"I knew it!" Kiros slammed his fist into Ward's bicep. "That's for blowing up my trunk. I had cookies from my Mum in there!"

"…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know you're sorry. And you can't murder Laguna, either. That's called 'assassination.' It will make you look bad."

Squall shook his head. "Do I really have to sit here and participate in this debacle?"

"Hey, it's guy's night. Don't be a party pooper." Laguna cracked his knuckles. "Okay, now I get to pick my victim."

He pointed at each of the occupants of the small table one after the other, grinning naughtily. His finger finally stopped at Ward, and he wiggled it back and forth, taunting him. "Okay, Zabac. Truth or dare?"

Ward huffed and rolled his eyes. He held up two fingers, indicating that he chose Laguna's second offer of "dare."

Laguna rubbed his hands together and got quite the sinister look on his face. "Alrighty…I dare you to kiss Kiros."

Before either of the two men could react, Squall stood abruptly, hands held up in disgust. "Okay, this is where I draw the line. You guys are idiots. I'm not going to sit around and witness two of the President's right hand men lock lips."

"It's not like it's going to be a passionate kiss, Squall!" Laguna defended. "Come on, live a little!"

"I swear to Hyne, if one of you jackasses slips the other the tongue, I'm moving back to Balamb." He dropped back into his chair and threw his head back to stare at the ceiling.

Laguna howled with delight. "You hear that, boys? No hanky-panky. Squall's squeamish!"

Ward, who suddenly looked as if he might vomit, took a deep breath and leaned close to an equally disgusted Kiros, who was screwing his eyes shut and bracing himself in anticipation of Laguna's dare.

Squall wasn't even watching when the two exchanged their small peck, and only looked up when Laguna's hysterical laughter was bouncing off the walls of his den.

The two men were feverishly wiping their lips on their sleeves, refusing to look one another in the eye.

"I hate you, Laguna." Kiros fished a piece of gum from his pants pocket. "No offense Ward, but your breath stinks. Lay off the onion and cheese chips."

Squall sat silently, shaking his head and praying that a rogue bolt of lightning would come shooting through the ceiling and vaporize him. He didn't even notice that Ward was now pointing directly at him.

"Oh yeah! Squall's turn!" Laguna was practically shaking with glee.

"No way. I said I'd stay, I never said I'd actually participate." Squall crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.

"You have to! You stay, you play!" Laguna chided.

Exasperated, Squall contemplated just how bad toilet water really could taste. He knew Esthar's water supply was exceptionally clean…

"…"

"Come on, Squall. Ward wants to know your choice."

The young commander realized he had actually been seriously thinking about drinking toilet water and reluctantly chose his proverbial poison.

"Whatever. Truth."

"…"

Kiros looked to Laguna, then to Squall with an almost concerned look on his face. "C'mon, Ward. You can't ask a guy a question like that with his father sitting right there!" The blade wielding man caught the instant look of panic sweeping across Squall's face and smirked. "Although, it is quite funny…"

Ward nodded in Squall's direction, indicating that he indeed wanted to ask his question.

"Alright, man. It _is_ your turn." Kiros turned his attention to a very apprehensive Squall. "Ward wants to know how old you were when you lost your virginity."

Laguna spit out a half mouthful of beer into his hand. "Ward! That's really personal…and _really_ funny! Spill it, kid."

Squall, with an utterly horrified look on his face, replied, "I am not talking about my sex life with you guys, especially my father."

Kiros pointed out the den door with a long finger. "Bathroom's right down the hall, man. You're in luck; I think it just got cleaned this morning."

Again, Squall briefly tried to decide if toilet water really was as bad as it seemed. The hesitation on his part only fanned the semi-drunken flames around him.

"…"

"Hey, maybe you're right, Ward," Kiros agreed. "Maybe he's stalling because it hasn't happened yet." The older man put a comforting hand on Squall's tense shoulder. "Don't worry, sport. It will happen when you find the right woman." He was becoming rather unsuccessful at stifling his laughter.

"You guys have no boundaries, do you?" Squall pushed Kiros' hand away.

Laguna, trying to catch his breath from laughing, gave his son an ultimatum. "C'mon, Squall. Decision time. Truth or toilet."

"Yeah, we're all men here…we've been around the block. You can't shock us." Kiros reached for his beer and took a swig, never taking his eyes off of the embarrassed SeeD.

"Men, huh?" Squall snorted. "Sometimes I wonder." He huffed a stray lock of hair from his forehead with a short breath before surrendering. "Whatever. Fifteen, alright? I was fifteen."

For the first time all night, Laguna was speechless. "Wow. That's kinda young."

Squall, who had emptied an almost full beer in one gigantic gulp, offered a response. "Not that it's any more of your business, but Garden staff kind of looked the other way when it came to sex. I guess they figured we were all destined to die young anyway, so they let us have a little fun."

"Well, at least it _was_ fun, wasn't it?" Laguna shoved a fistful of salted peanuts in his mouth.

"This conversation is officially over. Forever." Squall rose and retrieved another beer bottle from the small fridge Laguna installed in his den for "boy's night." "It's my turn to torture, isn't it?"

The young man seated himself once again and decided on his victim. "Kiros, you've avoided the headsman's axe too long. Truth or dare?" The alcohol was beginning to loosen the young Commander up.

"Dare."

Squall was actually quite surprised by the older man's choice. He was hoping that he'd pick truth, because the young mercenary _really_ wanted to hear some dirt on his father.

"Okay. You have to let me concoct a mixture from the kitchen for you to drink."

Kiros felt his stomach churn as he realized young Leonhart had played this game before.

"…or you could always enjoy the finest toilet water Esthar has to offer…"

Laguna had to add his two cents. "You could use my blender!"

Kiros conceded. "Alright, Leonhart's elixir it is."

The foursome entered the gigantic kitchen that Laguna hardly ever used and Squall began to create his masterpiece. Kiros' eyes bulged as the young man filled the blender with everything but the kitchen sink. Hot sauce, grapes, chocolate syrup, corn chips and a vanilla-frosted donut, complete with rainbow sprinkles.

"I think that's enough, Squall. Don't you?" Kiros suggested.

Squall's lips curled into a roguish smirk. "Nope, not even close." He added a handful of peanuts-still in their shells, a splash of lemon juice and the rest of his own beer. The blender whirred to life, liquefying the disgusting contents into a thick slop.

"You want a glass, or are you going to slurp if straight from the trough?" Laguna quipped.

Kiros swallowed hard and grabbed the blender pitcher. He closed his eyes and gingerly sipped at the offensive brew.

"No sipping, Seagill. Chug it." Squall had the same impish glint in his eyes that Kiros had seen on his father's face on more than one occasion.

The spicy, chunky blend stung his throat on the way down, but Kiros dutifully drained the contents of the blender. He was no slouch, and he managed to keep it down…for a few minutes before emptying his stomach into the sink.

"Gross, Kiros! I wash dishes in there…sometimes." Laguna pinched his nose shut at the offending odor. "At least rinse it down."

Squall was silent, save for a small trembling chuckle coming from his direction. "You actually kept that down longer than my last victim. Zell puked instantly."

XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX

Hours passed, and the group still tortured each other relentlessly. Ward was made to eat cat food, brought up by a very confused presidential aide. Laguna prank-called Cid Kramer, and asked him if his refrigerator was running. He hung up abruptly when the Headmaster recognized his voice. Kiros actually ended up imbibing from the toilet after refusing to let Ward pierce his ear. Squall quite surprisingly admitted to trying illegal drugs, and the vomitus aftermath that ensued.

Alcohol fuelled the questions and dares, and they slowly got exceedingly out of control. Still, there was one member of the group who had yet to participate in a dare.

"C'mon, Squall. You're the only one who hasn't 'dared,'" Laguna's words were starting to slur. "Be a man!"

"I haven't picked 'dare' because you guys are relentless, thank you very much." He drained the last precious drops on his beverage and tossed the bottle aside.

The three older men began to pound their fists on the poker table in unison, Kiros and Laguna chanting, "Dare, dare, dare!"

"Whatever. Dare, ok?"

Laguna, incredibly intoxicated, stood up and pointed towards the sky in proclamation. "It's streakin' time!"

Squall figured it was the multiple beers taking control of his inhibitions when he didn't refuse the dare. Instead, he egged Laguna on.

"Okay, where?"

Laguna, quite flabbergasted that his son wasn't drinking from the toilet already, stumbled over to Squall and placed a hand on the top of his head.

"Serious? I thought for sure you'd say no!"

"Whatever. Am I doing this or not?"

Laguna scraped his drunken mind for a venue before his son backed out."

"Uhhh…okay, I got it! The set-up crew is preparing the ballroom for a wedding tomorrow. Streak through there."

"…"

"Yeah, Laguna. It's one in the morning. They won't be working that late." Kiros also emptied his final bottle of beer.

"No! That's the beauty of this genius idea! They're working through the night because it's a morning wedding! It's perfect!"

All attention turned to Squall. "Fuck it, let's go."

XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX

The child-like giggling coming from behind a side service door went unnoticed by the hard working crew. Tables were being set with shimmering crystal and silver, the vacuum cleaners running at full power to make the floor presentable.

"I'm not so sure about this, there's a lot of people in there." Squall's liquid bravery was beginning to wane. He had stripped down to his boxers in the hall, and was rethinking his willingness to go through with the dare. In what wasn't the first time that evening, he once again found himself pondering the taste of toilet water.

Laguna peered through a crack in the slightly open door and spotted a clearing where his son could make his run. "Just dart right down the middle and out the back door, were we left your pants."

Taking a deep breath and mustering up more courage than he ever needed during the Sorceress War, Squall stepped out of his underwear and blazed through the door.

Screams erupted from surprised cleaning ladies, heads turned lightning-quick as a brown haired dynamo flashed across the room and through the other set of doors.

Laguna was astonished. "Huh, and I thought I had seen all his tattoos…"

_A/N: Okay, I'll admit that was pretty wild. It wasn't going to get this crazy, but it just got waaaaay out of hand, lol. _

_I know Squall is a bit OOC, but in my mind alcohol=OOC. _

_A nod to Ronin-ai in Squall's tattoo placement…tee hee_


End file.
